Sports Day
by FushigiNoKuniNo
Summary: Heaven is holding a sports day, which turns out about as well as you'd expect. My entry for the Noragami Big Bang, featuring Yato and Yukine in a three-legged race, Take-chan's newly unsealed powers, Bisha's abs, and more! (minor spoilers for the current manga arc)


**8:30 a.m.**

"You're actually the most normal-looking person here for once. Bizarre."

Yukine, wearing track pants borrowed from Hiyori, looked around at the other gods as he tried to smooth down his hair. Most of them were still dressed in their divine garments, clearly unused to getting together outside of formal occasions. Yato, in his usual jersey, of course, ignored Yukine's comment in favor of stifling a yawn. It was far too early in the morning.

After the latest rebellion, which was a travesty even by heavenly war standards, Heaven had decided to hold a sports day to "foster camaraderie" between the different gods and their regalia. A _mandatory_ sports day.

"Where's Hiyori? I thought she was supposed to meet us here."

Alas, it had soon become clear that Heaven had no idea _how_ to hold a sports day, or even a solid grasp of the concept itself, so the Seven Gods of Fortune had secretly recruited Hiyori to help run things before the event could turn into an utter disaster. At Yato's question, Yukine subtly jerked his head to the left. Careful not to be too obvious, Yato looked out of the corner of his eye.

"What do you meanit's 'unsportsmanlike' to strike down my enemies with divine bolts? I'm a thunder god! This is discrimination!"

"Takemikazuchi, _please_ ," a harried Hiyori stood in front of him, wearing a staff jacket and holding her hands up in a placating gesture, "the relay is supposed to be about speed and teamwork, not striking anyone down."

"Striking people down shows teamwork! I'll use Kiun and everything!" Takemikazuchi ranted. Yato found himself so dumbstruck that he completely forget he was supposed to be avoiding eye contact, and stood there gaping. "Yatogami! Come tell your human this is stupid!"

Yato debated his options. He would rather not argue: he'd had enough of Take's thunderbolts for one lifetime, and was sure Yukine felt the same way. He could run, but he'd be leaving Hiyori all alone. Then again, Take wouldn't attack _her_. Hopefully.

"What's going on?" asked Kazuma, appearing from behind Yukine. He was wearing a jacket identical to Hiyori's, and holding a clipboard.

"I'm…trying to explain the rules, but it's not going well," replied Hiyori. Kazuma spared her a sympathetic smile before turning to the thunder god.

"Takemikazuchi-sama, do you think you can follow the rules? Or do I need to call Kiun?"

The god blanched. Ignoring the objections of the other regalia, Kiun had put his foot down against any more restrictions on Takemikazuchi's powers. However, his methods of getting his master to see reason had become more subtle and terrifying in equal measure. The last time he'd been on the receiving end of a snide comment about not being a blessed vessel, he had sent the god's baby pictures to everyone in his contact list. His master had destroyed the phone immediately, and not bought him a new one for three weeks afterward, but the damage had been done.

"…Fine."

"Excellent. Now, if you don't mind, I need to borrow Hiyori. Kagutsuchi keeps trying to set fire to things on the obstacle course for 'extra incentive.'"

Hiyori gave the others a look that spoke of utter regret for having accepted this job, but all they could do was watch as Kazuma dragged her off.

"…Well," said Yato, after an awkward pause, "we might as well get over to the registration table and—"

"Yaaaboku."

"You have to be fucking kidding me," said Yato and Yukine together, whipping around.

Sure enough, there stood Yato's father, borrowing Fujisaki's body as usual. Yato noticed he was wearing Crocs again, for some incomprehensible reason. They looked as if they'd been chewed on a bit: Yato knew the signs well, as he'd lost many a good pair of sandals to the wolf-phantoms Father insisted on keeping around. He felt a slight twinge of pity for the Crocs.

"What are _you_ doing here?" began Yukine, instantly ready for a fight, "you're not even a god!"

"But I _do_ have a regalia," said Father, "and it would be such a waste to let any of the gods use her." At this, Nora stepped delicately out from behind him, tilting her head as she gazed at Yukine's attire. He noticed that she was wearing her normal kimono, which he might've found strange if he hadn't already seen how fast she could run in it.

" _Ugh,_ " was all Yato had to say.

 **9:00 a.m.**

One registration line later found an irritated Yukine berating his master.

"The _three-legged race_? Out of all the events, you had to pick the one where I have to let you put your sweaty hand on my shoulder!? Gross! Not to mention we've never practiced being in a three-legged race before…and we're not even close to the same height!"

"It'll be fine," said Yato, "You're my guidepost, right? So you just set the pace, and I'll follow your lead. Simple!"

Yukine raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, but if you trip, I'm not stopping. I'll drag your ass all the way to the finish line if I have to."

"That's my boy!" proclaimed Yato, entirely more pleased than was warranted, "Now let's go watch the other events until it's time for ours! If I recall, Ebisu should be starting the beanbag toss right about now."

"Ebisu? How exactly does _that_ work? Last time I checked, he still can't tie his shoes, and considers brushing his teeth to be strenuous exercise."

"Dunno, but aren't you curious?" Yato didn't add that he wanted to be there in case Ebisu clocked himself with a beanbag and needed to be carried home.

They meandered over to a roped-off area featuring a tall pole with a basket at the top, and arrived just in time for the starting whistle. Ebisu was standing on the field, holding a bunch of red beanbags in his arms. He smiled as the other participants came over to collect beanbags from him and toss them in the basket, ignoring their own. Perplexed, Yato called out to the small god.

"Ebisu!"

"Ah, Yato-san!" Ebisu dropped his beanbags and trotted over to them, miraculously not tripping even once, "Thank you for coming to watch!"

"What exactly is going on here?" Yato gestured to the field.

"Oh, this?" said Ebisu happily, "I paid everyone off! This way, all my beanbags get in the basket, and Kunimi doesn't have to worry about me getting hurt!"

"Er, I see," said Yato. He pictured the look of horror that would adorn Hiyori's face were she present for this conversation, and decided never to speak of it again.

"Anyway," continued Ebisu obliviously, "would you like to come watch the bread-eating race with me? It seems like it could be great marketing for bread companies, but I want to see how many promotional opportunities there really are."

"Uh, now? Your event isn't over yet," Yukine pointed out.

"It's fine, I only gave them half up-front." He lifted his arms up toward Yato, who picked him up out of habit.

As they walked over to the bread-eating race, Yukine wondered aloud:

"Why didn't you sign us up for this? It seems easy enough."

"No way," replied Yato, "it's for regalia only, and Hiiro is entering. It'd be pointless."

"What!?" Yukine yelled, shocked, "After everything that's happened, you still don't think I'm as good as that stray!? I can't believe it." Yato shook his head, but didn't offer any additional explanation.

"Then wh—"

"Just watch," said Yato, as they reached the course. Yukine reluctantly obeyed, and turned his eyes to the horizontal bar in the middle of the field. Hanging from it were several strings, each with an _anpan_ bun attached to the end. He could see Nora and the other contestants lined up on the opposite side.

As Yato lifted Ebisu up a little higher and readjusted his position, the starting whistle blew. Nora took off toward the bar, and, almost faster than the audience could perceive, grabbed one of the buns in her mouth fiercely. She was at the finish line before Yukine could blink, leaving all the other contestants in the dust. He watched her stand there for a moment, cheeks puffed out as she chewed her bread. It was hard to tell, since her expression almost never changed, but Yukine thought she looked…happy?

"What the _hell_ was that?" asked Yukine, his anger giving way to confusion. "Is she even human?" His eyes followed Nora as she walked over to Father and held out a hand, receiving a few 100-yen coins before wandering off in the direction of the vending machines.

"Hiiro really, really likes pastries," said Yato. "I wouldn't get between her and one for all the money in the world. You should have seen her when _anpan_ was invented. She made me line up at that guy's shop _every single day_. I think it set my shrine savings back by about a century."

"But she… I… What?"

Yato just shrugged.

"Anyway, what should we see next? It looks like people are getting ready for the tire-pulling relay. Bishamon's in it, so everyone else is screwed, but it should be fun to watch."

As they walked back in the direction where the beanbag toss had been, they passed Nora returning from the vending machines. She was sipping on a carton of strawberry milk. Yukine looked oddly miffed. His face indicated that finding out his rival liked such an unthreatening beverage was a betrayal of the highest order. Yato, glancing over at him, wisely suppressed the urge to laugh.

 **11:00 a.m.**

The three boys approached Tsuyu and Mayu, who were hunched over and panting along with the rest of the Tenjin sisters. To say the tire-pulling contest had been intense would be an understatement: Hiyori had needed to step in to keep it from coming to blows a few times, and Kazuma had expressed his regrets that they hadn't invested in stronger rope. The field itself was a mess of deep tracks in the dirt, and was dotted with the prone forms of participants unable to stand back up.

"Hey!" greeted Yato, putting Ebisu down, "You really went all out. Especially you, Tomon—"

"It's Mayu."

"Whatever, the point is that you all were great. I'm impressed you took second place! I mean, obviously no one was gonna win against psycho bitch and her freaky abs, but second is very—"

Yato was cut off due to a sudden case of tire-to-the-face. Bishamon strode over to stand over his collapsed form.

"What did you say, calamity asshole?"

"Unnecessary use of force," whined Yato from the dirt.

"Congratulations, psycho bitch!" piped Ebisu as Yato pried himself off the ground.

"Ow."

"Where's Tenjin?" Yukine asked, not bothering to see if Yato was alright, "Weren't gods supposed to participate with their regalia in this one?"

"I am standing in for my lord today," replied Tsuyu.

"Indeed," said Tenjin with an air of superiority, as he appeared from an all-too-conveniently placed grove of plum trees nearby, "I am a god of _scholars_. One cannot expect me to do _sports_."

Yato, finally upright again, rolled his eyes.

"Besides," Tenjin continued, "I'm _old_."

"You're the same age as me, you tool!"

"Yato! Yukine-kun!" Hiyori ran up, flailing her arms, "So this is where you were! You need to head over and get lunch: the line's going to be massive, and you don't want to end up missing your race."

"Oh, is it that late already?" said Yato, suddenly the picture of pleasantness.

"Yes! Come on, I'll walk you over there."

"Are you going to be able to get away long enough to watch us race?"

"Yeah," Hiyori looked exhausted, but she smiled at him, "wouldn't miss it! And Kazuma told me he could hold down the fort for a little while."

"Yay! You can see us win!"

"I dunno," said Yukine, "seems more likely that she'll end up picking us up after we faceplant."

"Aw, c'mon. Just trust me," Yato pouted.

"Fine, fine," groaned Yukine, nonchalantly dodging an airborne Kuraha.

"Oh, no, he's going for the tuna rice balls again," Hiyori muttered, as she sped off once again.

 **1:00 p.m**

Yato and Yukine stood at the starting line, the only pair with disparate heights amongst the competitors.

"You guys gonna be ok?" asked Okuninushi, who was paired with a regalia as big and burly as he. Yukine privately thought that if they weren't ok, it would probably be the result of being trampled to death by those two.

"Yeah, must be tough when you only have one regalia to choose from," said a god they didn't know, smirking.

"I only _need_ one regalia," replied Yato with confidence. Yukine pretended not to hear, but when Yato looked back at him, he gave a determined nod.

"Ok. Let's do this."

When the whistle blew, Yukine started off at a brisk walk, staring at their feet, still nervous that they would trip. _Left, right, left, right…_ As he went forward, though, he found that Yato _was_ matching his stride perfectly. He sped up by increments until they were jogging, and they gradually pulled toward the front of the pack.

Just in time, Yukine saw the god who had smirked at them go down, and course-corrected to the left to avoid being fallen on. A pair on the opposite end of the lineup weren't so lucky, and went sprawling over their fallen neighbors.

 _We could win_ , thought Yukine, as Okuninushi wobbled on his sandal just enough to force his team to slow down. Yato and Yukine were almost at the front now, and Yukine closed the distance by speeding up to a careful run, with Yato matching his every step. _We're going to win!_

And that was when Yukine lost his balance.

He closed his eyes as he felt himself fall, wishing that he wouldn't disappoint Yato too much.

"Gotcha."

A pair of sweaty, yet welcome hands grabbed him under the arms and pulled him back aright. He spent only a moment recovering his bearings, and then focused back on the finish line.

The pair quickly regained the ground they had lost, outpacing the other teams with their smooth movement. They could hear Hiyori screaming from the sidelines, just as enthusiastically as she did when watching Tohno-sama. As they neared the end of the course, they looked at each other and grinned.

In retrospect, that was a mistake. They tripped in unison.

 _Fwump!_

Both lay there for a moment, face down, looking as if they'd been hit by a bus. Neither particularly wanted to meet the embarrassment that awaited in the world above the dirt in which their faces were buried.

"Oh dear," said a voice that probably belonged to Hiyori, "are you two alright?"

"…"

"…"

She poked Yato.

"Just leave me to die," he moaned. He heard Hiyori giggle. " _Rude._ "

"If it makes you two feel better, you won," she laughed.

At that, they both shot up straight.

"Woah, really?" Yukine craned his head to look behind him. They had fallen right over the finish line. He turned to look at Yato, who was wide-eyed.

"WE DID IT!" they yelled, trying to high-five each other and hug Hiyori at the same time, and narrowly missing punching one another in the face.

 **2:30 p.m.**

"Hiyori," called Kazuma, poking his head into the medical tent where the half-phantom was finishing cleaning Yato and Yukine's scrapes, "it's almost time for the last event. We need all hands on deck."

"Ah, right! We'll be right out," she said, straightening up.

The four of them walked back to the field, which had been cleared of all barriers and accessories from previous events to make one giant running space.

"I'm really not sure about this," said Hiyori, " _kibasen_ teams are supposed to be four people, so it's dangerous to have teams of two mixed in."

"You worry too much," said Yato, grabbing a headband from a nearby box and handing it to Yukine, who tied it on.

"Yukine-kun could fall, though…"

"I'd rather fall than have to try to lift Yato's ass," quipped Yukine. "He rolled over onto my futon one time and I thought I'd be crushed to death."

"You say that, but when I woke up you were totally snuggling with me."

"W-Was not!"

Just as Kazuma decided it was best to leave the trio to their…whatever that conversation qualified as, he heard someone call his name from behind.

"Kazuma! Here you are!"

"V-Veena?"

"You've been so busy all day that we haven't been able to do any events together, so I thought I'd find you for this one," she explained, adjusting her ponytail as she spoke.

"Oh, well…" he looked at Hiyori, who smiled at him encouragingly, "...alright then. We need two more people though; where are the others?"

"They're tired, so I said we could handle it by ourselves!"

"Wha—" Kazuma was struck speechless at the thought of carrying his goddess on his shoulders. Thankfully, he recovered before she noticed anything, "I'm not sure that's—"

"Nonsense," she declared. Then, surprising everyone, she ducked under Kazuma's legs and lifted him up on _her_ shoulders.

"WAUGH! VEENA!?"

"To victory!" she yelled, running away toward the starting line. Kazuma could be seen desperately trying to keep himself from falling without grabbing on anywhere awkward.

"There he go," said Yato mournfully, sure he would never see his friend intact again.

The first whistle blew.

"Crap, we need to line up." Yato hoisted Yukine up onto his shoulders. "See ya, Hiyori!" Yukine gave her a little wave as they started off.

As they got into position, something occurred to him.

"Hey, Yato, I haven't seen Kofuku all day. She got here the same time we did…"

"Yeah, that's weird. She'll be fine though: I'm sure Daikoku wouldn't just let her run amok."

The second whistle blew, and with that, the god-regalia teams rushed toward each other.

"Yato! It's your dad and Nora! Get 'em!"

"Right!"

They charged for the other pair. Nora had swapped her usual headband for a red official one. Yukine reached for it, but she ducked and grabbed his hand. They both refused to let go, each attempting to overpower the other. With their free hands, they went for their opponent's headband, struggling to reach with equally short arms. Below, Yato grappled with his father, trying to knock him off balance.

"Come now, Yaboku, do you really think you can win? You've never even come close."

"There's a first time for everything," Yato ground out.

"Oh, such a rebellious child…"

Yato intended to retort, but just then came a rushing gust of wind, blasting the two teams apart and forcing Yato to grab Yukine's legs to keep him from falling.

"What the—"

"Yato!" yelled Hiyori, appearing from across what now looked like a full-blown battlefield, "Kofuku is running amok!"

"Oh no," Yato groaned.

"Apparently she said it was too hot, and tried to fan herself with Kokki, and…"

"Ah."

"Yes, but also—" She was cut off by a very loud explosion. Yato turned just in time to see Takemikazuchi gliding merrily across the field.

"Haha! I smite thee!" This was followed by several more lightning bolts, each leaving a crater.

"ALSO," yelled Hiyori over the din, "TAKEMIKAZUCHI IS RUNNING AMOK AS WELL."

"I GATHERED," shouted Yato. He could see several more gods summoning their regalia now, though the air was more obscured by the second from the dust and smoke. He felt a tap on his head, and looked up at Yukine.

 _Let's get the hell out of here_ , the boy mouthed. Yato nodded. His father was already long gone, and for once, Yato agreed with his course of action.

"That's enough camaraderie for one day, I think!" Grabbing Hiyori's hand, with Yukine still balanced on his shoulders, he ran like hell in the opposite direction.

 **A/N: The adorable cover art is by seisugi! If you want to see the full version of the companion artwork, please visit their blog or the noragamibigbang blog on tumblr!**


End file.
